I'm stuck. I've been struggling in my personal and love life and I really don't know where to go from here. Have you ever been in a situation where you feel like you have no choice but to move on from something that you would rather not have to leave behind? Have you ever been in love and not known whether or not love was enough? I have. It's happened in nearly all of my serious relationships thus far in my life, but this situation is different. I'm not quite sure how to put it into words, but I can say that it's painful. My heart feels solid... like there's a lead mass inside that's slowly poisoning my whole being. But I can't find a way to move on. There's the pain, but there's the love as well. I'm not sure why I'm posting this, but I felt compelled to share this for some reason. I guess that's because it's yet another outlet for me to express my feelings. I have people to talk to about this, but it just doesn't seem to help. I don't normally use this blog to "spill my guts" to anyone and everyone, but today is different.

I'm sitting here at my job, and I've been listening to the same music since 7 a.m. this morning when I opened the place. By now, the "Change stations now" announcement CD no longer interrupts my train of thought every 30 seconds as it usually does for the first hour or so. After a while, you learn to tune it out or else you'll go nuts. If you didn't already know or figure it out, I'm a fitness specialist/consultant at a gym for women called Curves. It's the Curves way- what made it a successful enterprise - a 30 minute workout while changing stations/machines every 30 seconds.

I am so cold and I feel like the cold is down into my bones at this stage. They keep this gym like an icebox and my emotional instability, hunger from practically skipping out on breakfast, and sleep deprivation isn't helping (I had to wake up to open up this place and I'm running on 2.5 hours of sleep). Who would've thought that I'd be huddled next to a small space heater during a warm summer day? I need a "super heater"... a heater for my body, my heart, my soul, and my mind. Anyone heard of such a thing? A miracle maybe? Ah well, guess I'll just have to figure this mess out on my own.