I got laid off from Curves today. Not because I wasn't doing my job well enough, but because the owners needed to close the location that had the least number of members – unfortunately, that meant us. This is yet another example of something that has happened recently where I was not in control of the outcome. I didn't lose my job because I wasn't good enough.

Actually, this is similar to my recent loss of my relationship. It didn't end because I wasn't good enough, but because love was not enough. I figure that I have a lot to give someone who is willing to put all of their honesty on the table, if they put it all on the table. I know that I'm not perfect (I have plenty of things to personally work on), but I think that, in general, I tried my hardest to keep the things that meant most to me in tact. When the person that I loved most betrayed me once more, I had to fight against my inclination to accept it as another mistake, and I had to move on in order to keep my spirit healthy. It is one of the hardest things I've ever had to do... A very big part of me yearned to stay in the unhealthy relationship… to avoid the pain of having to live without my significant other. Luckily, I have a phenomenal support system to remind me that sometimes the right decision is the toughest decision.

It's hard when you are in the midst of a storm's dust and debris, for you cannot see why seemingly bad things are happening all at once. As the dust begins to settle, I am beginning to understand “Spirit's” (my word for a higher power) intentions. I am beginning to understand why we must feel pain in order to make huge shifts in our lives. I've learned that we sometimes hold onto things that make us feel comfortable and familiar, even if they are not what’s best for us. I've noticed a lot of people doing that recently. I know that I did it because I feared the extreme pain that would come from having to let go. And the pain did come… it still comes... in HUGE waves. Sometimes the waves consume you and you're pulled under. Feeling panic, you struggle to find the surface. If you just keep going... just keep living... just keep believing that everything has a purpose, you'll break through the surface and you'll take that big first breath of air. It's always there. You just have to have faith.