Whatever it is that you're going through, it's going to be alright. You'll know this as I know this if you just walk outside with an open mind. Go outside -- take in some fresh air, and admire everything around you. Recently, I have noticed how easily we can become jaded by the negative aspects of society.

A very good friend of mine told me this: "My husband is a pessimist. He says that 51% of the people in the world suck. I like to think of myself as more of an optimist -- I say that 49% of people in the world suck."

It's hard to have faith in society when so many of the people you'd thought were genuine actually turn out to be just as selfish, jealous, and inconsiderate as the next person. I hate to subscribe to stereotypes, especially when I am such an advocate for women's rights, but I've found that this is especially true with females. It's just so easy to become a pessimist. I smiled at a girl (probably my age) on the T/subway today, and not only did she not smile back, but she gave me a very direct reaction of dislike and anger. I stood there wondering what had just happened. I have different theories about the situation, but I won't go into those now.

A best friend of mine had an interesting way of looking at it all. She said that I'm in a very important transitional period of my life, and what I'm experiencing is an accelerated version of what others go through on a daily basis. I guess there are some things that have taken me a little longer to figure out. ;-) It's absolutely normal to meet someone, become friends, and then later decide that the two of you don't make as good of friends as you'd thought. Many times, this results in people "drifting" apart. For me, given my newly awakened state, I've had to be more proactive about the process and drifting apart wasn't a viable option. In one recent case, it was very painful to walk away, while in others that were less trying, it turned out to be a much-needed release. In the end, it's all been for the best. I've had to take an inventory of those around me and make adjustments. It's nice to give people the benefit of the doubt, but when people begin to walk all over you, you know it's become a problem. Some individuals have expressed concern that it appears I am pushing people away, but I am not pushing -- I am walking on.

I feel as if I'm waking up to reality. It's similar to a foot falling asleep. I know -- you think I've finally lost it! But hear me out...
There's a long period of time where you sit unaware of what is happening to your foot. Suddenly, you realize that your foot has fallen asleep, and you dread the process of waking it back up again. It's an unpleasant process because if you move your "sleeping limb," it hurts -- but if you stay still, you're in foolish denial of what must come. Taking that first step forward, though you may never have associated it with this word, takes strength. In other parts of your life, it signifies something much deeper within you -- the ability to walk into an uncomfortable situation all the while knowing it's the only way out. Perhaps a better comparison is that of diving off a diving board for the first time. You must grin and bare it. You will get through the discomfort... wait it out... step forward, and go for it. When you come through to the other side, you'll see what all the fuss was about. The sooner you take those first steps, the sooner the land around you will begin to look more familiar.

Right now, I'm at a stage that feels much like my mind, body, and soul have been sleeping in a "safer" place of denial -- unaware of the world's harsh realities. Though I may hesitate and want to stay still in my naïveté, I must fight against that tendency in order to grow, learn, and prepare myself for the next lesson. Being in this middle stage is awkward. I must fight the urge to become jaded. I must not take what I've seen and allow myself to believe that nearly all people are self-centered or vindictive. I must continue to take chances. And I must never stop believing that love, passion, desire, lust, and romance are worth the risk of getting hurt.

I am an independent woman worthy of respect, just as any other individual deserves the same. I can take control of a situation and stand my ground, and not let it devastate me if someone calls me a bitch for doing so. I have needs just as any other human being does, and I intend on experiencing life to the fullest.

These days, the colors along my path are brighter. When you are awake, the red of passion is that much deeper, the green of abundance is greater, and the rainbows of our hearts glisten in the light of another lesson learned.